resurfacing with a hopefully new phone

I’m actually not this lazy (I’m totally lazy) but, well what’s the point of giving excuses like work, lack of life, computer crashing and too much alcohol to write anything ever. FYI, all of these are true.
But the reason I’ve finally decided to snap out of lull and do a bit if writing is because we all know the internet is truly preciously the only way to connect with people. No? Yes.
All I am asking from all your wonderful human beings in and around the planet (and some who I know reside on ‘planet retard’ forever and have no intentions setting foot back on earth) is to invent an alarm clock that works. Please people please. Without wanting me to tear my I inch hair on the head. I mean if I have to get down to doing that, not much would be left and I don’t know too many people fancying a bald woman.
I have tripped, tipped over the bed, broken a few incense stands and dropped my phone a zillion times in an effort to switch that bloody thing off. And that’s not such a good way to start your day, is it?
Most importantly those of you who want to set an example of niceness that will make everyone else go ‘aww…’ and earn you brownie points and exceptionally good karma can buy me a new phone. Yes, I did ask Polka, but he refused till I buy him some bloody watch. So then. Givers anyone?